Today would have been my Dad’s birthday. I miss him so much sometimes it hurts just to think about it. I think about how lucky I was to have him for my father. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying he was perfect or anything like that. He had a temper like a son-of-a-gun and often spoke before he thought, but regardless, he was my Dad and it hurts to know I will never see his face, or hear his laugh, or feel his hugs again.
Last night he would have stayed up until midnight. I can close my eyes and imagine him sitting on the edge of the bed and singing “Happy Birthday to Me” at midnight. In some ways, he never grew up – a kid at heart. Sometimes maybe too much so, sometimes maybe not enough.
Dad finds us parking places close to the entrance to the stores or the mall. Trust me, he does. It’s not every time. Just when we are in too much of a hurry. Or when it’s pouring rain. Sometimes he makes us walk, because, well, no since in being greedy or lazy. But when we desperately need a close space, he finds us one.
Dad, I’m so proud of my children. They make me proud like you always told us we made you proud. I never understood it until now. I know that I put them through things I shouldn’t have – and funny – they forgave me and even still love me. How fortunate am I? Of course, this is an old tune I’m sure you recognize. It’s never too late to start over. It’s never too late to be happy. It’s never too late to say I’m sorry. And laughter really is the best medicine. On top of it all, I have new children through wonderful marriages and so many beautiful grandchildren. Four! Can you imagine?
I know you are with us, even though the absence of you physically is so hard. You cannot imagine how many times I’ve wished I could pick up the phone and call you, or just hop in the car and go home. I want you to know how very happy I am. I have a wonderful husband (he’s the guy you find parking spaces for sometimes, too). There isn’t a day that I do not thank the good Lord for all I have been blessed with.
So, Daddy, Happy Birthday. I hope somewhere you have a huge cake with candy icing that you can peel off whenever you get the urge.
And just in case you were wondering. All your children are close. We are holding onto each other. But we still miss you so much. So very, very much.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU………..
P.S. Ed hugs just like you did. You cannot imagine how good that makes me feel. I love you.