The Legacy of Suicide

What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night.
It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime.
It is the little shadow which runs across
the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

Crowfoot, Blackfoot warrior and orator 1830 – 1890

Our lives were again touched by suicide this past week.  A family friend living the aftermath of a painful divorce and no job made a choice to end his life.  So very sad.  Disbelief, anger, overwhelming sadness and loss all intermingle inside us.  Friends and family struggle with the reasons and hate themselves for not knowing and not being there when they were needed most.  Everyone feels so sad knowing the pain that must have led to such a decision.  And so the vicious cycle begins.

Suicide is not something you ever imagine touching your life.  As I look back and remember, this is the fourth time in my 56 years.  Four is way too many.  Too many lives lost, too many lives impacted, too many people left behind to wrestle with the beast that gives no answers.

Sadly, we mourn the loss of a friend who was overwhelmed by life.  I am so thankful for every little trite moment of my life.  Thankful for all the love I’ve experienced during the hard times in my life.  Thankful for the love of so many family members and friends that held me up when times got tough.

I honor those who could not see a future and chose to end their life.  We loved you so much.  We miss you and cry for you still.  You were crippled by so much pain you could not see a way out.   All of us wish we could have been there.   We wish we had said something that would have made a difference.  We wish we could have held you as you wept.  We wish you could have found a different answer, a different way.  But we weren’t there and you felt this was the only choice.  It makes us so devastatingly sad.

I pray for the friends and family left to forever search for answers and never find them.  The search is one of the ugly legacies of suicide.

Our world is now and forever different without you in it.  We miss you and we will always wonder why.  A little piece of us died with you because you had a spark that lit a part of us up in a very big way.

If only you could have seen it.

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