Last night when I closed my eyes to sleep, I began to pray for my sister. Today she faces her fear and has a biopsy on her adrenal gland. We are coming up on a month since we lost Rosie and it just feels a little too surreal for all of us.
It wasn’t long after I started to pray that I realized I was struggling with what to ask for. Sometimes I think if we are wishy-washy in our prayers, God is wishy-washy in His response. I kept hearing the prayers of a lifetime….’Your will not ours’….’whatever the outcome’….I realized those words of prayer were not what I wanted to ask for.
My prayers became almost conversational. The bottom line is that I want God to know that I want BJ to be okay. I want Him to wrap her in peace during this day-long procedure. I want her mind to relax. But most of all – I want her to be okay.
I know prayer is not always about what we want. But I still believe if I am not honest in what I am praying for, then why pray?
I WANT BJ TO BE OKAY. AND GOD, I KNOW YOU CAN MAKE THIS HAPPEN. AMEN.
Selfish? Of course. Is it what I want to pray for? Absolutely.
I love you, BJ.