I am allowing myself to finally step out of grief a little and start enjoying my life. Each and every day my heart still misses Rosie and wants for her. I am gobsmacked at how different I feel knowing my sister is not here to talk and laugh with. I know her spirit is here – I feel her presence all the time. Is it the same? No, of course not, but it is comforting. One thing I know about Rosie is that she lived fully each and every minute within whatever boundaries were imposed upon her. I know it is time to focus on reclaiming my joy and living life fully just like she would have. So, Rosie, I miss you more than I can ever articulate. It physically hurts sometimes. Just know that even though I am moving through this life, I am moving through it a changed person knowing I will never feel your presence here again. I know there will be a lot more tear-filled days ahead. Please hold my hand and walk with me and watch from above. Just be with me as I move back into life. And I know that when we do see each other again it will be a joyous day!
I am so thankful that BJ’s results were negative for cancer. I think I held my breath waiting. When she called me and told me, I finally let myself bawl like a baby. My walls came tumbling down. God does indeed answer prayer. Maybe not always in the way that we want it, but we do get an answer. I am so very thankful that His answer was what we had all prayed for. We never know what tomorrow may bring. I guess that makes it doubly important to live every moment to the fullest. Love and embrace every person and every experience. For all of those things are the building blocks that create this life and they are there for each of us to take. It is as simple as putting out your hand and accepting what is given. BJ, I cannot tell you how much you mean to me. Where there were three, there are now two. At some point one of us will leave the other and then there will be one. Until that day (and I hope it is a hundred years away) I will breathe you in and out with every breath I take. We are as one. Like it or not. I love you to the moon and we have a lot more memories to make, you and I.
Of course, there is also the job loss. All of these things have had me so overwhelmed. I am trying to re-craft my life as best I can, but it is a slow process. It’s tough out there and you just have to grow a pretty thick skin to get through it all, but get through it I will. And I know that in some way, my life will be better for having gone through this. It is just another step along the way. I have never looked back and I’m not about to start now.
So, what’s ahead for me? Joy, Simplicity, Love of Life, Faith, Love of Family, and Determination…..just to name a few. I have a little fictional short story churning in my mind, so I’ll be publishing it on my A Little Big of Soul blog in the coming days.
Life is worth living. I started this blog when we lost Bella. It was so hard and I was in such disbelief. I had to remind myself – Life IS worth living. I guess after the past few weeks I needed to remind myself again. It’s all part of the process. Life IS worth living.
Get on board with me folks – it’s full steam ahead. As my grandpa used to say…time and tide wait for no man… Boy, oh, boy, was he smart.
Did I mention it won’t be long until Christmas? 🙂