Another Father’s Day Without My Dad

IMAG1694Dear Daddy,

I miss you so much.  It is Father’s Day weekend and Sunday I will think of you so often, wishing I could again pick up the phone and call you. The year you passed away, I was a week away from our vacation – a week away from Father’s Day when the call came in.  I could not believe it. I can still remember the disbelief of hearing someone tell me over the phone that you were gone. I was so angry and felt so cheated that I did not get to hold you one more time and tell you face-to-face how much I love you. To this day there is an empty place in my heart that only that last hug could have filled. I find myself thinking ‘What if this is the last time I do this?’ a lot now. I guess it helps me find the blessings in everyday moments and for that I am grateful.

Having you as my father taught me so much. You were not perfect, but then again you did not profess to be. You were always open about the mistakes you made in your life. Funny thing about having a parent that you love so much – forgiveness comes easy. Did I tell you I have a teddy bear – a gift from “Annie” and Jillian – with your voice recorded inside? To hear you say my name brings me to tears, but I am so thankful for that bear! Every father and every mother need to record messages for their children. It will be a great comfort someday. I know it has been to me.

I hope you can see the wonderful fathers I do have in my life. You would be so proud! The hearts made of gold, the firm hands and gentle spirits. The children growing up in our family – your family – are blessed with wonderful fathers. Someday I know, as adults, they will look back with love in gratitude for their Dads – just as I do today.

I love you, Daddy. I think about you more than I think you would believe. I would love to have you here – to hug, to laugh with, and just sit and visit with. I would love for you to meet all these great-grandchildren. They would love that deep bass voice of yours. I can close my eyes and imagine the wonder in their eyes – just like the wonder my children had in their eyes – just to be with you. You would have loved every moment of it. So would I.

Daddy, I am always a little girl in my thoughts of you — fragile, small and needing her father. On this Father’s Day I am thankful for all you gave me. I miss you more every day if that is possible. I think back to tiny, private moments we shared. Meaningless to some perhaps, but to me, they mean the world. You occupy a special place in my heart that will never belong to anyone else. I love you and miss you more than I can adequately express.

Sunday, like every day, I will miss you and sometime during the day I will whisper to myself ‘Happy Father’s Day, Daddy’. I hope you will look down on us and know we are missing you – especially this little girl who never imagined a life without her father.

I love you.  Always and Forever.